Waiting
by simply.kaleidoscope
Summary: "A-admiral Carth Onasi," the Exile said, "Admiral Carth Onasi told me if I was to find you, I needed to tell you one thing.  He said, "Carth Onasi is waiting for you.'"


**I was kind of haunted by the line "Tell her Carth Onasi is waiting for her." And I was stuck with a little plot bunny that wouldn't go away so now I have to write. The Exile is FLS, because I only made it through that game once and it was as that, so I don't know how the game would change otherwise. Revan is likewise FLS. Also, if I screw up some facts, could you warn me? It's been a while since I've played the games.**

The Exile knew that she would be leaving everything behind when she followed the path of Revan. She mourned the loss of her companions the entire trip to the unknown regions. There wasn't much else for her to do: see as the ship was on autopilot. She would miss Kreia, against her better judgment. She knew Kreia was a sith, and evil, but the woman had been her constant companion and she had grown fond of her.

She would miss Bao-Dur, despite the fact that he was a constant reminder of her past… as a general. She did not mind that reminder towards the end. She knew who she was, and regretting an action would not change the past.

She would miss the Disciple and his yearning for knowledge. She had long become disillusioned with the Jedi, and his faith was refreshing. She saw him as hope for the galaxy and hoped that he would be able to help.

She would miss Visas-Marr and Mira, the only two other females on the trip. She would never forget Mira's "advice" for how to deal with boys and how utterly useless it had been for her. Visas-Marr had been a quiet strength for the Exile ever since she had met her. For almost a second, she wished that Visas-Marr could be there with her, before she realized how selfish and horrible that thought was. She would miss the droids, and Mandalore as well, but thinking of Mira made her think of the inevitable: Atton.

The Exile found herself unable to use a word like "miss" for how she would feel towards Atton. She believed she could have loved him, if there had been time for it. He was, she hated to use the word Kreia used, but she was correct, a fool, but he had been the most wonderful and caring fool she had ever came into contact with. There were two options for him, she realized. He could move on. He could realize that he had never had the time to truly love her, and he could move on with his life. That would be easier, better for him and she would never know the difference. The other option was for him to turn into Admiral Carth Onasi. The Exile had met him, and realized that his relationship with Revan was deeper than any had ever kown. It had been four, almost five, and she knew that he still could not move on from his love for her. As much as she would love for Atton to love her forever, the Exile would never wish that fate on someone she cared that much about.

The thoughts of Atton forced her into a mood that she didn't want to meet Revan in, so she set to cleaning the Ebon Hawk for the rest of the trip to distract her.

* * *

><p>It took a long time, but the Exile finally found Revan. Or, more accurately, Revan found her. Revan wanted to meet on the Hawk, so the Exile waited nervously for her to board. She wasn't usually nervous, but meeting the hero of the Mandalorian wars and the savior of the Republic was somewhat intimidating.<p>

If she was anxious before meeting Revan, seeing her made it even worse. Revan was tall, striking, and even beautiful. She strode onto the ship with purpose, walking as if everything belonged to her. Which, the Exile supposed, it did. Revan regarded her with warm eyes, but her tone was cold.

"You are the Exile?" She asked, though it sounded a bit more like a statement than a question.

"Yes, I uh… yes. I am her." The exile chastised herself for sounding foolish. "And you are Revan." Revan nodded, her lips pressing together in something like a smile.

"I have been gone for what seems like a long time," the former sith master began, "And soon I will tell you more about what we are doing here. But first, could you please tell me how the Republic is faring? Five years is a very long time."

The Exile did her best to relate everything she had learned since she returned from her exile, and she apologized often for her lack of knowledge. Whenever she told Revan that she was sorry, though, Revan sighed and rolled her eyes, so she soon stopped bothering.

As they talked, they walked around the Ebon Hawk with Revan inspecting every inch of the ship. She was often critical, "How did this blaster mark get here? You should be more careful on a ship." But sometimes when she'd reach a certain point, her eyes would soften and she'd caress a spot on the wall, or a seat, or any seemingly random object and murmur a memory too quietly for the Exile to hear.

There were certain people that Revan was anxious to hear about, but the Exile knew far less than Revan wanted to hear. She had never heard of a young twi'lek named Mission Vao, nor her companion, Zaalbar the wookie. When Revan asked about a couple of jedi she had been close to, the Exile was forced to share about the death of all jedi but herself, a bit of information she had wanted to withhold until a time she felt would be better.

The news seemed to come as a physical shock to Revan. She slumped to the ground holding her head whispering, "Juhani. Jolee. _Bastila._ What have I done? What have I done?" She stayed there for a very long time, and the younger woman had no way of comforting her. She simply stared at the ceiling and prayed with ever fiber of her being that she would never have to hear news like that about her companions.

Once Revan had recovered, they walked to the cockpit, where the Exile was pleased that she had news of Canderous, HK-47, and T3-M4. Revan was delighted to hear that Canderous was Mandalore, and insisted over and over that he would be able to strengthen the Mandalorians. The Exile wasn't sure this was a good thing. Revan actually laughed over T3-M4's antics and confessed that she had always been partial to the utility droid. She shook her head when she heard about HK-47, and informed the other woman that she wasn't sure what curse she had inflicted upon the galaxy when she built the droid, no matter how much she cared for him.

When they reached the cockpit, Revan made a beeline to the pilots' seat that the Exile was used to seeing Atton seated in. Revan ran her hands over the seat a few times before slowly settling in it. She closed her eyes, overwhelmed by memories.

The Exile felt uncomfortable watching this, so she turned to leave. Only as she was walking away did she remember something. She turned around.

"Carth Onasi," She blurted and the seated woman's eyes shot open.

"What?" She breathed.

"A-admiral Carth Onasi," the Exile said, unnerved by the intense emotion on the other's face. She swallowed and continued, throwing her shoulders back, "Admiral Carth Onasi told me if I was to find you, I needed to tell you one thing. He said, "Carth Onasi is waiting for you.'" There was heavy silence for quite a long time before Revan finally spoke.

"Leave now. We will talk more later."

The Exile had always been told of the great Revan and her strength, yet how compassionate she still was, so she was shocked by her dismissal. It was only when the silence settled, and their eyes met, did she understand.

The great Revan, hero of the Mandalorian wars, savior of the Republic was crying.

Tears weren't streaming down her face or anything, but her eyes were moist and there was a tear track or two on her cheek. If the Exile felt uncomfortable before, now she felt so self-conscious that if she hadn't been trained to control her emotions for years, she probably would have fled the room.

"I'm sorry," Revan said, "It's just… I had hoped he would be able to forget me. And… oh Carth." If the Exile hadn't been listening closely, she would've missed what Revan whispered next.

"I miss him so much."

Earlier the Exile had thought about how Atton would deal with his pain. She had never once considered who she would deal with hers. She probably would've come up with two options: move on or hold on. Looking at Revan, she realized it wasn't a choice.


End file.
